I write the first draft of every starter cadence we ship, and I spent four years as an estimator before that, so I have sent a lot of follow-up texts by hand. The ones that got answers sounded like me. The ones that didn't sounded like a form. Here are five rewrites of lines we see on support calls all the time, using the names from the sample shop in every new account, Pellwick Electric.
Three rules
- Say who you are in the first five words.
- Ask one thing the customer can answer in one line.
- Stop before 160 characters, link included.
Five rewrites
| Before | After |
|---|---|
| Dear valued customer, we wanted to follow up regarding your recent estimate. | Hi Rachel, it's Tomasz from Pellwick. Any questions on the smoke detector quote? |
| Just checking in!! Let us know if you want to move forward | Hi Glen, want us to pencil in the hot tub circuit for next week? The quote is here: |
| Your quote expires soon. Act now to lock in pricing. | Hi Teodor, bid 001051 is good until Oct 30. After that the switchboard price may change. |
| We have not heard back from you regarding the proposal. | Hi Chidi, did you and your mom get a chance to look at the options together? |
| Reply YES to accept. | Hi Anh, you can sign right on your phone: (link). Happy to answer anything first. |
Why the rewrites work
Every "before" is written to a category of person. Every "after" is written to one person about one job. Notice that none of them are clever. They name the job, they ask something easy, and they leave the door open.
The fourth one is my favorite. Chidi had told the rep his mother lives with them and is home all day. The rep put that in the quote note, and the follow-up asks about the real decision: whether both of them have looked. Merge fields can't write that sentence for you, but a cadence can remind you to send it on the right evening.
Never put a price change or a deadline in a text unless it is true. Customers screenshot texts, and an invented deadline is the fastest way to lose a job you were going to win.
About length
A text over 160 plain characters is billed as two segments, and an emoji or a curly quote drops the limit to 70. The editor shows the count as you type. More important than the bill: a short text gets read on the lock screen. A long one gets saved for later, and later is when someone else calls.
If you have one of the "befores" in a cadence right now, rewrite it this week. It takes five minutes, and every quote after that gets the better version.